Scenes From a Hospital
by jlangblues
Summary: Finn, Rachel, and a pregnancy that's not exactly going the way they planned. Future fic, little bit angst-y.


A/N: The title and summary basically say it all. This was quite cathartic to write, and I hope it turned out okay. I wrote it quickly, so I apologize for any typos!

-x-

Rachel goes into labor on May 4, at midnight. The entire drive over to the hospital, she cries, her arms wrapped around her little belly and her head resting against the dashboard. Finn doesn't know what to say; he just tells her to keep breathing, and that everything is going to be fine. His fingers tighten against the steering wheel with every breath of pain that Rachel lets out. She's talking to herself, to the baby – Hannah.

"You're not ready yet, honey," Rachel whispers. "You're not ready." She cries, a whimpering sound that Finn's never heard her make before, and she repeats herself again, as if Hannah can hear her and change things miraculously. "You're not _ready_."

And she's right. Hannah's not ready yet. Rachel and Finn have this Anne Geddes calendar on their fridge at home, to count down the days until Hannah's due. They cross off every day and at the end of the week they put smiley faces. It's kind of dorky but every time that Finn makes another 'x' across a date, he gets a little more excited about the fact that he's _that_ much closer to seeing his baby girl.

Hannah's birthday's actually supposed to be the day after Finn and Rachel's wedding anniversary – August 2. When Finn realized that they were going to have an August baby, he was so excited because there are already so many awesome things about August; great weather, his and Rachel's anniversary, and he's a teacher so he doesn't have to work at all that month. He figured that the fact Hannah was going to be born in August was like… like _destiny_ or something.

But maybe Hannah just didn't want to be an August baby.

"It's going to be okay," Finn says, and it's very odd but it sounds as if his voice is coming from a million miles away, like there's cotton balls stuffed inside his ears or something. He's not sure if he's in shock or disbelief or _what_, but he's starting to feel dizzy and incoherent, almost as if he's in a dream.

God, he wishes this was a fucking dream and that he'd wake up and roll over, and Rach would be laying there next to him, sleeping on her back like she always does with her arms stretched out at her sides. And then he'd scoot over closer to her, place a hand against her belly and kiss her on the cheek.

Rachel lets out another sob. He looks over at her for a second; her eyes are scrunched shut, tears streaming down her face, and her hands are balled into these little fists. She shakes her head back and forth, bites her lip tightly.

"I just don't know why this is happening," Rachel says quickly, breathlessly, as if the words are being forced out of her. Her voice breaks as she continues, "I did everything _right_. I did everything right, Finn!"

"I know," he says quietly. "It's going to – it's going to be _fine_. You'll see."

His voice is doing that weird thing again, where it sounds tinny and unfamiliar. He swallows, and that cliché about a throat being filled with unshed tears or whatever? He's pretty sure it's not a cliché because that's _exactly_ how he feels right now.

Rachel cries and she presses the palms of her hands against her eyes.

Years later, when he thinks about this night, this is probably going to be the part that will break his heart the most – because Rachel's being honest. She _had_ done everything right. She bought all the books, followed all the special diets, and took all of those weird vitamin things that the doctor prescribed. She even stopped working after the second month of her pregnancy, because the doctor said that her blood pressure was getting too high, and she needed to be mindful of her stress levels.

After she left the show, she'd worked at getting Hannah's nursery set up. Before she even knew they were having a girl, she decided that she wanted the nursery to be decorated in greens and purples. So since she had a lot of time on her hands or whatever, she'd actually gotten the nursery totally finished last weekend.

Finn's obviously not going to say it, but it's a pretty good thing that Rachel got the nursery finished because at least they don't have to worry about Hannah having a place to sleep or whatever, when she comes home.

If she comes home right away, that is.

Finn swallows again and he lets out this little short breath that almost sounds like a cough. Rachel doesn't say anything; she just leans her head against the window and wraps her arms tighter around her stomach.

He doesn't even know what to say right now. When Rachel's water broke earlier that evening, Finn had just stared like an _idiot_ at the huge wet spot on their bed for like, two minutes before rushing to grab a phone to call their doctor. He thought at first that maybe Rachel had an accident or something (because he _knows_ how badly she has to go to the bathroom all the time, she tells him every half hour) but then Rachel had started crying about contractions and pain and. Well.

Here they are now, driving in the car to the hospital.

Finn takes one of his hands off from the steering wheel. Without looking over, he places it on Rachel's thigh, squeezing lightly. She cries a little harder, and she holds onto his hand with both of hers. After a second, she places their hands against her stomach. She's only wearing a tank top, and Finn slides his fingers underneath her shirt cautiously, pressing his fingertips against her bare stomach.

He takes a deep breath. He lets it out slowly. It's strange. Her stomach feels exactly the same as it did this morning, really; still that hard little bump where he felt Hannah kicking before he left for work. She's not kicking now and Finn wonders, briefly, if she's just as scared as he and Rachel are. He presses his fingertips harder against her stomach and God; he just wishes he could have like a two minute conversation with Hannah right now to set her straight.

He knows it's silly, because Hannah's probably not thinking _anything_ right now, but if she is, Finn hopes that she's thinking that, you know, maybe she's jumping the gun a little bit, and maybe it's not as bad living inside Mama's belly as she thought. He's totally aware that Hannah's only six months old, so it's not like she's having _logical_ thoughts or whatever – but if he could just _look_ at her, he's positive that with one look she'd understand exactly what he's trying to tell her.

Rachel hisses in pain as another contraction starts and Finn takes his hand away from her quickly, as if he's been burned.

Tears are starting to cloud his vision and he doesn't know what to say, doesn't know what to do, doesn't know how to act. Rachel's crying and the closer they get to the hospital, the louder her crying becomes.

By the time she's being wheeled into the emergency room, her cries have reached a hysterical volume and Finn can barely see straight.

-x-

Two hours later, Rachel is lying in a hospital bed and Finn is trying to find something on the television to watch. He can't even _think_ about sleeping and he knows that if Rachel's tired enough, she'll sleep through just about anything. He leans back in his chair, lands on ESPN, and turns the volume down just a little.

Rachel sighs and he glances over to see if she's okay.

Her face is completely void of tears; after being given the pain medication, the agony had just kind of wasted away. And the doctors had pumped a bunch of this stuff into her IV; medicine that's supposed to put the brakes on the whole labor thing. They had also injected this stuff that'ssupposed to reach Hannah directly, this stuff that's going to make her lungs nice and strong so that when she comes out, she'll be able to breathe easier.

They're not sure exactly when Hannah's going to make an appearance, though. The doctor said that because Rachel's water is broken, it's really just a matter of time before labor fully starts. Finn had tried to ask smart questions and stuff after Dr. Carson said that, because at that point Rachel had still been kind of hysterical.

Like, will Hannah be okay? Will she have all ten fingers, all ten toes?

Dr. Carson looked super professional and doctor-like when Finn asked that; he flipped through a bunch of charts and started going off on this like, rant about premature labor and uncertainties and then he started using all these huge words that Finn couldn't even _begin_ to decipher, and finally, Rachel had cut in with,

"Will she survive?"

Finn just gaped at her when she said that, because honestly, she's talking about their _daughter_ and she shouldn't even be _questioning_ things like that. Obviously Hannah's going to survive, the doctors aren't saying that she's not, they're just saying that she might like, need to be in NICU or whatever. They're not saying that Hannah's going to – she's not going to - Finn can't even think it, he won't allow himself to think it.

But then Dr. Carson says, "We're doing our absolute best to makes sure that she does," and Finn had to sit down in the chair that's next to Rachel's bed and put his head in his hands. He got up after a few seconds though, to go to the bathroom because he couldn't be in the room and listen to a doctor telling him that their baby, their baby that they've wanted for _so_ long, might not make it.

He didn't get sick but he sat down on the floor for a few minutes because he felt too lightheaded to even try standing. As he sat there, he had all these thoughts running so quickly through his head, like they were on a film reel that was going too fast or something, like it was spinning out of control.

He thought about him and Rachel talking about kids when they were sixteen, how back then the idea of having a child was just this totally insane but kind of cool thing to think about once in a while. He thought about how Rachel told him the night of his twenty-sixth birthday that she was ready, she was beyond ready, to have a baby with him. (Even though, she added teasingly, she _still_ hadn't won her Tony. But Finn countered that by saying that being nominated is pretty damn close.)

Finn thought about how for two _years_ now they'd been trying to get pregnant. And how the night Hannah was conceived, Rachel had kissed Finn on the cheek and told him, "I feel _good_ about it this time," as if she already knew somehow that Hannah was on her way to them.

Finn cried a little when he was in the bathroom too, with his knees pulled up to his chest and his face buried against his arms, because he didn't want Rachel to hear and get upset. She'd stopped crying soon after the doctors put the IV in her and Finn doesn't want to be the reason for why she starts crying again.

After he got himself under control, he'd walked back out to the room. Rachel was lying calmly on the bed, flipping through television channels sleepily. A quick look at the clock on the table beside the bed let Finn know that it was three o'clock in the morning. It's surreal to think about how six hours ago, he and Rachel were sitting on the couch, watching CNN and talking about their days, making plans on where to go to dinner the next night.

And now here Finn is, watching Sport Center as Rachel tries to fall asleep. He's watching the television; he can see the reporters and he's watching the highlight film, and he can read the screen and see all of the scores that are flashing at the bottom of the display. But he's not _really_ watching it. If he shut the television off right now, he wouldn't remember one damn word of what's been said in the past half hour, because all he can think about right now is the fact that he's in the hospital with Rachel.

He's thinking that he should call work in a couple of hours and tell them that he's going to need a sub for the day. He's not sure exactly if this counts as a personal day, or as a sick day, or if he should tell some of his coworkers about what's going on. Would Rachel want them to know? They'd probably send flowers to the hospital, and maybe that would make Rachel happy because she loves daisies, but at the same time, it might just make her sad because – because it's not like the flowers would be _congratulatory_ flowers. They'd be those flowers that are sent for like, sympathy, and when Finn thinks about it that way, he's not sure if he wants to see sympathy flowers that have cards in them, saying things like 'hoping for the best' or 'we're with you during this difficult time' or whatever. Like, who wants to get cards like that around the time of their child's birth, right?

"You look pensive," Rachel says softly, interrupting his thoughts, and Finn turns his head to look at her. She's rolled over on her side now, her hands tucked underneath her head. She looks comfortable but Rachel's also pretty good at hiding her true feelings sometimes, so maybe she's just trying to be brave for him. That makes him feel guilty for just a second because if anyone should be brave in this situation, it's him, not her.

He should not be wasting his time thinking about flowers. He should be thinking about how to make this situation easier for Rachel. And for Hannah.

"Are you okay, honey?" Rachel asks, and she reaches a hand out towards him. She seems concerned. He scoots his chair closer to her bed, and pulls her hand down into his lap, clasping onto it with both of his hands.

"I'm fine," Finn says, and he leans forward, brushing a kiss against her forehead. "How are you feeling?"

Rachel squeezes his hands and she pushes her head farther into the pillows. She lets out a little yawn and closes her eyes briefly, before opening them back up to look at Finn. "Exhausted. But I can't sleep."

"Do you want me to turn the TV down?" Finn asks, and before she says anything, he grabs the remote off from the nightstand, turning the television off completely. The room's suddenly engulfed in darkness, except for the lights on the machines that are hooked up to Rachel, and the bright lights that are shining from the alarm clock.

Rachel sighs. "I'm sorry. Usually I can sleep through that, but -."

"It's fine," Finn interrupts. "Don't worry about it."

Rachel nods slowly, and even though Finn knows that she doesn't want him to lay on the bed with her (Rachel doesn't like being touched when she feels uncomfortable), he has to be closer to her, for his own sake. Hospital beds aren't totally conducive to that, though, so he just leans his arms over the railings of the bed and then rests his cheek against the railing. He lays his hands against the blankets that are covering her stomach. He can't help himself.

She covers his hands with her own, and she lets out a breathy noise. Finn doesn't have to look at her to know that she's crying again.

"You need to try to sleep, Rach," Finn says, as he watches her drag her thumbs back and forth across the backs of his hands.

"I want to," Rachel replies, "but I can't because every time I think about sleeping I just – I start thinking all of these horrible thoughts."

She says that last part in a hushed tone, as if she's letting Finn in on this big, dark secret. She clears her throat immediately afterwards, and she says, "Anyway, that medicine the doctors gave me is making me feel a bit nauseous. I'm not sure I'd be able to fall asleep even if I tried."

Finn kisses her cheek. "Well, just in case you decide that you want to try, I'll keep the TV off."

Rachel looks at him gratefully, eyes so wide and so filled with tears that they almost look like they're made out of glass. She wraps her fingers around his, squeezing lightly.

"I'm so – I'm so sorry," she says, her voice shaky. A couple of tears start to make their way down her cheeks. "If this was my fault, if I caused this -." She can't even finish the sentence, and it's not because she's crying too hard, but Finn thinks it's just because she can't even fully finish the _thought_.

And Finn understands, because he sort of starts feeling sick the minute she starts apologizing because it's too painful, too severely painful, to think that Rachel's the reason why this is happening.

She stares at Finn helplessly as the tears keep sliding out of the corners of her eyes. Finn sits up out of his chair slightly and brushes his lips against her face, catching her tears as they fall on the tip of his tongue.

Rachel sniffles and Finn pulls away from her, just enough so that he can look her straight in the eyes.

"This is not your fault," he says. "I don't care what the doctors end up saying."

She pulls her hands away from his and covers her face with her hands, her fingertips digging into her hair. "But it is my fault," Rachel says, her voice wavering slightly, "because Hannah wouldn't want to leave me if I had done everything that I was supposed to. I'm too high-strung, I'm too anxious, too _everything_. She probably just got _sick_ of me."

"Hey," Finn says quickly, as Rachel's bottom lip quivers and she lets out another whimper. "Hey, hey, hey, that's not true. That's not true, Rach."

"Then why," Rachel demands, her voice still shaking, "why couldn't she have waited? Why is this happening? I'm a good person; I eat healthy, I exercise, I don't drink, I don't smoke – I just. I don't understand why this is happening," she repeats helplessly and she rolls over so that her back is facing Finn. Finn's been married to her for a long time now, and he knows that's her sign that basically states she doesn't feel like talking anymore.

Well, too bad.

"You heard the doctor," he reminds her gently. "Sometimes these things just happen – no rhyme or reason, you know? And it sucks, but Hannah's half you, and she's half me, and we're both beyond stubborn. She's going to be okay."

"You don't know that for sure," Rachel whispers. Finn doesn't know what to say, and Rachel continues, "I'm going to try to sleep now. Please wake me up at six so that I'm coherent when the doctors come in."

Finn doesn't say anything; he just leans back in his chair and folds his arms across his chest. For a split second, he thinks about turning the television back on, because he's just – he's just so irrationally angry at everything right now, and he knows that he shouldn't be mad at angry at Rachel, but he sort of _is_ because dammit, she shouldn't be having this – this _defeatist_ attitude already. Because who knows, maybe Hannah will decide that she doesn't want to come out yet, maybe she'll wait a couple more weeks. Rachel doesn't have to be so negative yet.

But he feels like a total asshole the minute he thinks about turning the television on, because his wife is lying in a hospital bed, going through hell, and if he was in her place, he's pretty sure he'd be feeling shitty about himself, too.

-x-

Finn calls Blaine the next morning around seven o'clock, after the doctors leave. By some crazy twist of fate, Finn and Blaine work at the same middle school in New York; Blaine's a music teacher and Finn teaches gym, and usually they take the same bus to work together.

"Where are you?" Blaine asks, not even bothering to say hello. "I've tried texting you all morning. I bought bagels last night for us to take to work today – I need a preemptive award for what is most likely going to be a horrific day. Did I tell you what that one kid in my eighth period said the other day about Michael Jackson?"

"Blaine, I, um. I'm actually not going to work today," Finn says in response. He glances over at Rachel. She's sleeping but not well – she keeps tossing and turning. He tries to talk a little quieter. "Rach and I are in the hospital."

Finn hears something in the background crash – it sounds like glass breaking or something. Blaine doesn't even say anything for a couple of seconds, just breathes heavily before asking pseudo calmly, "Come again?"

"Rachel went into premature labor last night," Finn says uncomfortably. "We're in the hospital, and so I can't – I can't go to work today. I probably won't be there tomorrow, either."

"Is she okay? Is Hannah okay? Why didn't you call me yesterday?" Blaine asks rapidly. "Oh God, you didn't even call Kurt – Finn, he already left for work, it's going to take him _forever_ to get to the hospital now. Wait, no, he'll just take a taxi, of course. Do you need me to bring you guys anything? Does Rachel need anything? I'll bring bagels, I can bring the bagels, _I'll bring the damn bagels_!"

Blaine's shouting into the phone, frantic, and Finn interrupts him.

"No, Blaine, dude, we don't _need_ bagels. You don't need to bring anything; you don't even need to come here right now -."

"Are you _kidding_ me?" Blaine demands incredulously. "I don't know what you're thinking, Finn Hudson, but you could not keep me _away_ from that hospital right now. Why didn't you call me last night?"

To be honest, all Finn can really remember clearly from last night is seeing the wet spot on the bed from when Rachel's water broke, and crying in the bathroom of Rachel's hospital room. Not _once_ did it cross his mind to call Blaine or Kurt, or his parents, or Rachel's. All he could really think about was Hannah, and Rachel.

"I don't know," Finn says finally. "I don't know, it all happened kind of fast – and late. We got here at like twelve-thirty, one o'clock."

"Oh God, Finn. Is Rachel okay?" Blaine asks again. "She's probably going crazy right now."

"She's actually asleep."

Finn glances over at his wife. She's still sleeping and she looks more peaceful now than she has in hours. The doctors came in at about six o'clock to give her some more medicine and to run a couple of tests; the minute they had left, Rachel had quickly fallen back asleep. The doctors told Finn that the medicine would make her a bit drowsy, but he didn't realize that it'd actually make her _that_ sleepy.

"Well, I'm on my way over. And I'm calling Kurt and I don't even know what I'm going to tell him, because he's going to go absolutely insane."

Kurt will go insane; Finn knows that for a fact. His brother thinks that Hannah is just as much his baby as she is Finn and Rachel's. Ever since he found out that Rachel's having a girl, he's been buying outfits every couple of days, or random toys. He swore that his niece would be _the_ most stylish baby in Manhattan if he had anything to say about it. And yeah, Finn thinks that the motorcycle jacket Kurt bought for Hannah is maybe a little much, but it's been cool to see his brother get so happy about the fact that Rachel and Finn _finally_ got pregnant.

And now, Blaine has to tell him that Rachel's in labor three months early. Kurt's going to be not just insane, but hysterical.

Finn sighs. He knows it might be the pussy way out, getting Blaine to call Kurt for him, but after having to stay strong for Rachel all night – he doesn't know if he can do the same for his brother. He doesn't know if he can actually be strong for anyone besides his little family – the one that's currently on the verge of falling apart before it even truly begins.

He asks Blaine, "Can you call my parents, too? I just. I don't know, I don't think I can handle talking about this right now, and the doctors are going to be back in soon to run a couple more tests."

Blaine agrees, and tells Finn that he'll call Rachel's dads, too. Finn thanks him and then hangs up the phone just as Rachel starts to awaken. She looks sleepily at him.

"Who was that?" she asks, pulling the blankets up farther around her. Her eyes are blood shot, the skin around them puffy. It looks like she was crying in her sleep, and Finn wouldn't really be surprised if she was. He's pretty sure he was last night, too.

"Blaine," he answers. "He's going to let Kurt know what's going on. He'll call our parents, too."

Rachel nods slowly. "Shouldn't – shouldn't we do that?"

Finn shrugs tiredly. "I don't know, Rach. I just don't think I could deal with my mom crying, or your dads freaking out. I mean, I know I have to eventually, but – for now, I kind of just need this morning to like. Decompress or whatever."

He hates thinking about how his mom's going to react, because she's been so damn excited about Hannah – even more excited than Kurt, if that's possible.

Rachel and Finn have been married for ten years now, and for about six of those years, his mom has been begging (legit _begging_) for grandchildren. Every holiday, every birthday, every anniversary, she'd casually say something about how the house just isn't the same when there aren't children running around it, and goodness, Finn, doesn't working in a school just make you so excited to have a kid of your own!

His mom knows how hard it's been for Rachel and him to conceive, and she knows how desperate the two of them were to have a child naturally, and whenever Finn talked to her about it, she would just say that he had to have faith; that all good things come in their own time. When Rachel called to tell her that, yes, they're finally pregnant, his mom had immediately started sending weekly care packages, filled with random parenting articles, or candies that apparently all women crave when they're pregnant, or a cute shirt for Rachel.

Rachel starts twirling a couple strands of hair, a nervous habit she's never been able to break. "I almost feel like we're disappointing people," she says. "I know that sounds silly, but." She shrugs. "I just know how badly everyone wanted this to go _right_."

Finn lets out a deep breath slowly. "It's just going differently than how it's supposed to. That doesn't mean it's going wrong."

"Finn," Rachel says, "Dr. Carson said Hannah only weighs a pound and a half." Rachel starts blinking rapidly and she looks down at the bed, refusing to meet Finn's gaze. "That's not right. Our baby shouldn't weigh less than my _purse_."

"Your purse is pretty big," Finn says, trying to say it jokingly, and Rachel lets out a little giggle of laughter.

"Probably big enough for Hannah to fit in," she says, and she places her hands on top of her belly.

Finn smiles because he thinks that maybe if they try to see the humor in this situation, maybe if they try to make this sound lighthearted and carefree, they won't feel so damn stressed and freaked out and nervous.

Rachel glances over at Finn. "I just hope she's not scared anymore," Rachel admits. "I know that sounds silly but I feel like it must be frightening for her, to be in this situation."

"You know what the doctor said," Finn says, leaning over to kiss Rachel on the cheek. "If Mama stays calm, baby stays calm."

Rachel nods resolutely, giving Finn a mock salute. "Then I shall stay calm."

-x-

Kurt and Blaine arrive at the hospital around nine o'clock, bearing clothes for Finn, magazines and word puzzles for Rachel, and a dozen bagels. Finn laughs when Blaine hands him an everything with vegetable cream cheese, but he's pretty grateful, because hospital food totally sucks – all he had for breakfast this morning was a little thing of applesauce, and it tasted funny and gritty.

He starts stuffing the bagel in his mouth as Kurt brushes out Rachel's hair, slowly starting to French braid it down her back. Blaine sits on the edge of the hospital bed, and he's rubbing his hands gently across Rachel's calves. It's like they're her handmaids or something, and Finn would try to make some joke, but Rachel looks more relaxed right now than she has in _hours_.

"I'm _so_ glad you guys came," Rachel says, her eyes welling with appreciative tears. "This has been so stressful and scary. The doctors came in this morning to talk to Finn and me, and while they seem competent, I just don't think they _understand_ what I'm going through. They act as if my body is just some obstacle course on their way to delivering a healthy baby."

Kurt shakes his head. "Don't you worry about a _thing_," Kurt says, and Blaine nods in agreement. "We're here now, and we aren't going anywhere until Hannah decides to come out."

"Yeah, we've already made arrangements for Winnie," (Finn and Rachel's dog), "and we made sure that Carol, Burt, Hiram, and Leroy are on the next plane out here. They should be arriving around one or so."

Rachel shoots a nervous look at Finn. "We forgot about our _dog_," she says, almost wailing, and Kurt's eyes widen.

"No, no, do _not_ get nervous – stop, Rachel, don't cry. We just told you, we talked to your next door neighbor and they're going to take care of Winnie. They agreed to let her stay at their house for as long as you guys need," Kurt says comfortingly, and Rachel breathes a heavy sigh of relief, holding a hand over her chest.

"Thank God. I'm already freaking out about Hannah. I don't think I could handle coming home to a dead dog."

The minute Rachel says the word 'dead', it's as if every single thing in the room stops. You could probably hear a pin drop. Finn immediately becomes fascinated by his shoelaces as Blaine takes in a sharp breath, and Kurt starts to ramble on about some Broadway show that's supposed to be opening up next year that he thinks Rachel would be _perfect_ for.

Cautiously, Finn looks over at his wife. She has this odd, glazed look on her face, and it's kind of obvious that while she's pretending to listen to Kurt, she's not actually all there. Slowly, she looks at Finn, as her mouth opens and closes a couple of times; trying to find words to say, but not knowing how to actually form them.

He just tries to smile at her, because he doesn't know what she wants him to say, doesn't know what she's comfortable with him saying in front of Blaine and Kurt. Because he knows right now she's thinking about the idea of Hannah – of Hannah not making it, and he doesn't want to talk about that, he doesn't want to even say that sentence in his _head_, let alone out loud.

Rachel doesn't say anything, she just keeps staring at Finn as Kurt braids her hair, and she nervously places a hand to her stomach.

-x-

When Carol and Burt arrive, the first thing they do is take Finn down to the cafeteria for a cup of coffee, while Hiram and Leroy attend to Rachel. Kurt and Blaine step out of the hospital for a while to get some fresh air, and while Finn loves his brother, he's kind of glad that he's going to be getting some one on one time with his mom and step-dad. He needs to just clear his head and be around people who aren't going to expect him to be like, brave and strong and confident.

He knows that sounds stupid, that he's twenty-eight and he needs his mom to reassure him that everything's going to be okay, but – he doesn't really care.

"How are you doing, baby?" his mom asks, rubbing a hand across his back. Burt pushes a cup of coffee towards him, and Finn wearily takes a sip.

"Shitty," he says, and he glances around the cafeteria.

He's not sure why, but he thinks that hospitals intentionally try to make their cafeterias looks depressing as shit. Why else would they put those stupid fake flowers all around the place, have the walls covered in that dumb wallpaper with the little green swirls? And the idiotic lights that hang over the tables, making the place look like some sort of seventies diner or whatever, definitely don't help matters. It's like the hospital wants people to be depressed every single second that they're in there – like, _joke's on you fuckers, thought you all could escape reality for a couple of minutes by grabbing something to eat? Nice try._

If Finn was in charge of the hospital, he'd make sure that the cafeteria was super bright and cheery, so that when people walked in, they'd stop feeling depressed for a couple minutes. They'd just be like, hey, cool, I'm going to go get a piece of carrot cake, read a magazine, and not think about death and dying for a while.

Burt sighs, looks at him seriously. "It's going to be okay, kid. I'm telling you, the advancements that hospitals have made, in premature care? It's insane. It's not like it used to be. I mean, I read something on the internet the other day about a baby being born _four_ months premature, and she's still alive and everything."

Carol looks at her husband, nodding, before turning back to Finn. She smiles at him, that smile she always gives him when she's trying to reassure him that everything's going to be just fine. "See, Finn? It's not as if this is the worst thing in the world."

Finn shifts in his chair uncomfortably, takes another sip of the coffee.

It tastes like shit, and honestly, this just further proves his point that hospitals like to make every single thing as depressing as possible.

"I know that," Finn finally says. "I guess it's just that the last time the doctors were in the room – I don't know, they were just going over. Going over the problems that she might have?" His voice rises at the end of the sentence, as if he's trying to make it into a question or something, and he continues, "like cerebral palsy and stuff, and it's – I'll love her no matter _what_, I just."

He doesn't even know how to finish that sentence, he really doesn't. Because he knows that no matter what happens with Hannah, whether she's born with eleven toes or seven fingers, or two heads or one leg, he'll love her unconditionally, no questions asked. Like, it'd be weird if she had two heads or whatever, but that's beside the point. He already knows that he's going to love her with everything he has, because he already does. He's just _scared_.

He's scared because when he thought about having a baby, he wasn't really thinking about the possibility that the baby might not turn out exactly how he thought she would. He knows that there's all these statistics out there, about babies being born with autism, or learning disabilities, or physical problems – Rachel made him read all of those parenting magazines, so he's not ignorant of all the issues babies can have. But he just never really took the time to think about like, the possibility that _Hannah_ might have one of those problems.

And it's scary. It's really fucking scary to think that Hannah wants to venture out into the world when she's still so little, when she still has so much growing to do.

"We'll all love her no matter what," his mom says firmly, and she reaches over to link hands with Finn. "And we will be here for you and Rachel, for as long as you need us."

Burt nods. "I already told my staff that I'd be needing a couple days off, and Carol's going to stay out here in New York for however long it takes for you and Rachel to feel comfortable with this situation you're dealing with. You and Rachel are not alone in this. We're all family. We're all here for Hannah."

His mom squeezes his hands tightly, and Finn squeezes back. "I'm glad you guys are here," he says. "I mean, it's great having Kurt and Blaine but. I feel like Rach and I kind of needed our parents."

He can see his mom starting to cry, and he thinks that Burt's even starting to tear up a little, too. And it's funny because even though Finn hasn't thought about it for years, he can still remember that time when his mom walked in on him in his room, crying to that sonogram picture of Quinn's baby. He remembers exactly what he was wearing, exactly what she was wearing, exactly how it felt to cry on his mom's lap as he explained the whole situation.

He wishes for a second that he was still sixteen, so he'd have an excuse to cry on his mom's lap again. He wants to tell her about how scary it was last night as Rachel writhed in pain on their bed, how terrified he was when he called their doctor to ask what to do, how frightened he was when it took the nurse five times to put the IV into Rachel correctly.

But he's not sixteen – he's almost thirty, and he needs to be mature and not fall apart just because his wife is going through premature labor.

Finn takes a deep breath and lets it out slowly.

"There is absolutely _no_ place," Carol says, "that we'd rather be right now than right here." She squeezes Finn's hands one last time, then pulls away from him, motioning towards his coffee. "Now, drink up! I need to go see how that daughter of mine is doing."

-x-

His mom, Burt, Leroy, and Hiram leave the hospital at about eight o'clock that night. They booked a couple of rooms at a nearby hotel, and as they left they told Finn _repeatedly_ to call them if absolutely anything changed with Rachel or Hannah. Finn promised he would, guiltily, because he feels a little embarrassed that he had Blaine call them to tell them what was going on originally.

A nurse brought in a cot for him to sleep on, and he set it up right next to Rachel's bed, so he could hold her hand throughout the night. She said that was entirely unnecessary and that he could go get a good night's sleep at Blaine and Kurt's if he wanted, but Finn had just laughed when she said that, because she can't actually be serious – she doesn't really think he's going to leave her, does she?

"No," Rachel says, as Finn pulls off his shirt and jeans to change into his pajamas. "But I thought I would put the offer out there, just in case."

"If you think I'd leave this hospital, you're crazy," Finn says, pulling an old McKinley High t-shirt on over his head. He climbs onto the cot, grabbing the television remote off from the nightstand. He starts flipping through the channels. "What if Hannah randomly decides that she wants to be born on May 5, and I'm all the way over at Kurt's? No. I'm staying _right_ here."

Rachel just smiles when he says that, and she holds her hand out for him to grab onto. He intertwines their fingers, and he puts on ESPN, but mutes it so that the sound doesn't bother her. She shakes her head.

"You can keep the sound on if you want, honey. It just bothered me the other night because I was so anxious," she says, protesting when he presses the button to turn on the closed captioning. "Really, please. I want things to be as normal as possible now, and you watching the television on mute is _not_ normal."

He glances over at her, and she nods as if to reaffirm her point. He sighs but turns the sound back at a low volume. She smiles, satisfied, and then yawns.

"Today was busy."

"Yeah, I've never seen so many doctors before in my life," Finn says, holding her hand close to his chest. "But at least it was all good news, right?"

"It certainly wasn't bad," Rachel agrees. "I wish Hannah was taking after you in the size department, though. The doctor said that some other woman here gave birth at six months the other day, but that her baby was four and a half pounds." She sounds a little sad. "If only Hannah was a little bit bigger, I don't think I'd be _as_ nervous. She's just so tiny, Finn."

"She'll be okay," Finn says. "I mean, who knows. The doctors said that it could always be another week or so before she's born. Maybe she'll go through a growth spurt."

Rachel seems to look happier after he says that. "That's true! That's very true." She looks down at her stomach. "Were you listening to Daddy, Hannah Banana? Wait another week so that you can gain another pound. I _promise_, it will be worth it."

Finn laughs, kissing her hand. Rachel turns her head to look at him.

"You know, I'm thinking that we should rethink Hannah's middle name."

"Really?" Finn asks, shocked. "But you said -."

"I know I said I wanted Hannah to have my same middle name. But she just seems so _insistent_ on being born in May, that maybe she's trying to tell us something."

Rachel's eyes widen as she says this, and Finn knows that he should just go along with whatever she's saying right now. She's kind of loopy from all the drugs and even though at this point, he's almost positive that Hannah's not trying to tell them anything besides _"I'm not really feeling being a fetus anymore"_, if Rachel wants to take their daughter's premature birth as a sign, Finn doesn't see any reason to try to tell her differently.

"Sure. Hannah May sounds nice, babe."

She sighs quietly. "You know," she says, "when my water broke, the first thing I thought was that – was that Hannah was already gone."

Finn doesn't say anything, he just waits to see if Rachel has anything else to say. She brushes her free hand across her eyes, and she says, "I was so sure that we were going to get to the hospital, and they were going to say that – that she'd died, that they couldn't hear her heartbeat."

Rachel stares at Finn, biting her lip, clearly trying to think of how to best say whatever was coming next. "And you know, when we finally heard her heartbeat, when we found out that she was alive…" She shakes her head, and looks up at the ceiling. She lets out a slow, steady breath, before continuing. "I wasn't thinking about how she might. How she might have difficulties because she's so premature; how she might not be able to play sports, or sing, or… or _dance_. I was just thinking that, God, please, _please_ let her know how completely and absolutely _loved_ she is."

Finn sits up and pushes the blankets away from Rachel, and he presses his hands against Hannah. She's kicking, and the feeling of her little feet fluttering against his hands is almost more than Finn can take. He kisses Rachel's stomach, and he whispers to Hannah that he loves her, completely and absolutely.

She kicks a few more times before stopping, and Finn looks at Rachel, smiles.

-x-

Hannah is born on May 7, at 12:17 in the afternoon. The doctors tried to prolong her birth for as long as possible, but eventually, they decided that Hannah didn't going to wait around any longer. Even though Rachel had always planned on having a natural birth, the doctors reassured her that having a c-section would be the absolute safest thing for Hannah. Rachel looked at Finn nervously when they explained that to her, as if waiting for his okay before she fully consented to what the doctors were telling her. After Finn nodded and said that sounded like a good idea, Rachel relaxed and agreed.

It was scary, though, as Rachel was wheeled into surgery. Her dads kissed her on the cheek, and Carol and Burt hugged Finn tightly, as Blaine and Kurt sat anxiously in the waiting room. Finn stood by Rachel's side during the entire procedure, holding onto her hand tightly. Rachel didn't cry that much throughout the whole surgery; she just asked how it was going, whether or not Hannah was okay, and much longer it was going to be. The doctors and nurses stayed super patient and just reassured her that everything was going smoothly and then they would smile at Finn.

Rachel let out a gasp when they heard Hannah cry for the first time; well, it was more like a scream versus a cry. It was this high pitched noise that pierced Finn's ears, and it ran through the top of his head down to the tips of his toes. It was the most beautiful fucking noise he'd _ever_ heard in his life, and he started to cry the minute he heard Hannah announce herself to the world.

He gets to look at Hannah for a minute before they took her to NICU. She fits right in the palms of the doctor's hands, and her little chest is breathing so rapidly that he's almost afraid her lungs are going to burst right out of her skin. The doctor assures him though that so far, her lungs seem to be working just fine.

He doesn't have a lot of time, but Rachel asks him to make sure she has all her fingers, all her toes. He counts them quickly (ten each!) and then he just stares at his baby girl for a second. Her ears look too big for her head, like little elf ears or something, and he calls out to Rachel,

"She has my ears! And your nose, baby, she has your nose!"

Her perfect little nose, it's so beautiful, and he can see a dimple on her cheek, just like his dimples. He can't wait until he can brush his fingertips across her cheeks, watch her smile at him the same way that he smiles at her.

"She's perfect, Rach," Finn says breathlessly. The doctors take Hannah away then, and Finn turns back to Rachel, threads his hands through her hair, kisses her soundly. "Baby, she looks so _perfect._"

Rachel lets out a noise that sounds like a mixture between a cry of relief and happiness. "Really?"

Finn nods and he stares at Rachel for a second. She's smiling and crying and she's so perfect, and she just gave him the _best_ gift that he's ever going to receive in his entire fucking life. He knows that it took them so long to get to this point, he knows how difficult it was for Rachel to feel like it was her fault or something that they couldn't conceive (which it wasn't, it _wasn't_, but Rachel always blames herself for everything no matter how many times he tells her not to).

He _knows_ how upset and anxious and horrible she feels about Hannah being born premature.

But it just doesn't matter. That stuff doesn't _matter _anymore.

He remembers nights where they would just stare at the negative pregnancy tests, nights where they wouldn't even feel like having sex because it seemed to get them goddamn nowhere, nights where they wondered if they were even meant to _be_ parents. And now Hannah's here and maybe she won't be coming home with them right away, maybe she'll need a little more help and a little more love than they originally thought.

But that's fine, because Hannah has them. She has her parents, they have her, and as Finn kisses Rachel, he's pretty sure that he's never felt so whole in his entire life.

-x-

A/N2: I kind of left this a little open-ended, just in case I ever decide to write a companion piece. Thanks for reading, reviews are always appreciated.


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